Gottman relationship framework

The Four Horsemen.

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are not character flaws. They are patterns couples can learn to recognise and replace.

Patterns and antidotes.

Antidote: a soft start-up that names need without attacking character.

Antidote: responsibility for the part that is true, even if the whole accusation is not fair.

Antidote: respect, appreciation and direct repair when superiority enters the room.

Antidote: physiological self-soothing and returning to the conversation when the body settles.