Emotion Coaching Emotion Coaching for Dads
Counselling Men's Counselling Couples Counselling Parenthood Transition The First 1000 Days Bringing Baby Home Relationship Check-in
For Dads For Dads & Men — Overview Baby Massage for Dads The Invisible Start Program Brain Builders
Practice Fees & Pricing For Professionals & Referrers About Gabriel
Book Free Consult
Ranges Counselling
Dads · New Parents · Couples · Macedon Ranges & Telehealth
A weekly ritual · read once, then talk

The Weekly Check-in.

One short, predictable conversation each week. Four questions, taken in turns. The app just holds the shape — the talking is yours. About ten minutes.

Before you start

Pick a calm-enough moment.

If one of you is heated, park it and come back later — or bring it to session. That's using the container, not failing.

The one skill that carries it

Listening to understand — or to respond?

There are two ways to listen. One is waiting for your turn, half-building your reply while they talk. The other is trying to actually get their world — to learn, understand, and connect. Only the second one lands. The tell: if you're rehearsing your answer while they're still speaking, you've already stopped listening.

Try saying
"Tell me more about that."
"Help me understand it from your side."
"What's the hardest part of this for you?"
"So what I'm hearing is… — did I get that right?"
"That makes sense."
While they speak
  • Turn toward them. Phone down.
  • Slow down — a little silence is fine.
  • Reflect back before you respond.
  • Stay curious, not defensive.
  • Hold off on solutions until they ask.
Your shared vocabulary
Start in the middle and move outward. Choose the closest broad feeling, then refine it and notice what you might need.
Tap a feeling on the wheel to begin exploring.
The four questions · in turn
01

How are you feeling?

SpeakerFind your word on the wheel — a broad feeling, then a more specific one.
ListenerJust receive it. No "why?", no fixing.
WhyNaming a feeling precisely is what takes the heat out of it.
02

What's been working?

SpeakerName one good thing since last time — a moment, a small win, something they did.
ListenerLet it land. Don't rush past it to the problems.
WhyThe good stuff first means the hard stuff lands in a warm room.
03

What's worrying you?

Use the soft start-up: "I feel ___, about ___, and I need ___."
SpeakerName the feeling and the situation — not a fault in your partner. Then the need, not the complaint: "I need to feel chosen," not "you never choose me."
ListenerThis is the hard one. The urge to fix or defend peaks here — hold it. Your only job is to make them feel understood.
WhyA complaint attacks; a soft start-up invites. Same message, different door.
04

How can I help or support you?

Help
Do something for me — act on the problem.
Support
Be alongside me — the task stays mine, I'm just not alone in it.
SpeakerSay which one you want.
ListenerOffer what they asked for — not what you'd rather give.
WhyMost rubs here are a mismatch — offering help when support was wanted.
How to finish

Close it warm.

  1. Reflect back. Each say the other's answers in your own words: "So you feel ___, you need ___, you'd like me to ___."
  2. End on the good. One appreciation each, or one small step for the week. Never end on the raw feeling.
  3. Next week, pick up the thread. Open by checking how last week's ask went — that's how it compounds instead of resetting.
Insight & awareness · tap to open

Four ways of talking that quietly wear a relationship down. Just spotting one in the moment is often enough to change course.

Criticism
Attacking character, not a moment. "You always…", "you never…"
AntidoteThe soft start-up — "I feel ___ about ___, and I need ___."
Contempt
Sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, superiority. The single strongest sign a relationship is in trouble.
AntidoteBuild a habit of appreciation, so respect is the baseline the hard talks sit on.
Defensiveness
Meeting a complaint with a counter-attack or "it's not my fault."
AntidoteTake responsibility for even a slice of it — owning 10% de-escalates faster than defending 100%.
Stonewalling
Shutting down and withdrawing — usually because you're flooded (see below).
AntidoteName it, take a real break, come back.

Both push a feeling away instead of toward — in your partner, or in yourself. Learn to catch your own default.

Dismissing
Treating the feeling as no big deal — smoothing it over, distracting, hurrying it along. "You're fine." "It's not worth getting upset about."
Disapproving
Judging the feeling as wrong, weak, or over-the-top — criticising or shutting it down. "You've got nothing to be upset about."
The turn
Turn toward the feeling with curiosity instead. All feelings are allowed — even when a behaviour isn't. Let it be real before you do anything about it.

When emotion spikes past a point, the body flips into fight-or-flight — heart racing, chest tight, mind gone blank or hot. That's flooding.

The tell
You can't take in anything new, everything lands as an attack, and you want to hit back or bolt.
What's true
No useful conversation can happen from here. It's physiological, not a willpower problem — pushing through only makes it worse.
What to do
Name it, take a real break, then come back.
  • "I'm flooded, I need a short break" — not "you're impossible."
  • At least 20 minutes, doing something genuinely settling — not rehearsing your comeback.
  • Agree when you'll return. The break is a pause, not an exit.